Every relationship starts with a first date – those often-awkward encounters where two people try and suss out whether they’re right for each other. But if you’re wondering why so many first-time meetings don’t lead to second-time trysts, it could be because of the following errors:
You turn into the Hulk when something goes awry
Regardless of how diligent you might be about planning the perfect evening together, hiccups are a fact of life. If the restaurant’s cook called in sick and your meal is taking forever, don’t freak out at the server. It will leave the lady believing you’re unable to deal with small annoyances without falling into a rage. There’s nothing wrong with being assertive, but a vein popping out of your forehead is unsexy. A Men’s Health poll suggests that 77 per cent of women find the ability to laugh off such daily stresses an “essential trait” in men.
Your Mr. Nice Guy act is too whatever
On the exact opposite side of the personality spectrum, there’s the easy-going dude who is accommodating to the point of frustration. As CA Prescott explains in Yahoo! Voices, repeating your date’s opinions is not just boring, it obscures who you are. Being able to compromise is an excellent trait, but deflecting with an “It’s up to you” for every aspect of the night shows a lack of enthusiasm and personality. “Ultimately, if you want women to be attracted to you, and if you are sincerely seeking a long term relationship you need to be yourself and be honest about your desires,” Prescott says.
You turn the getting-to-know-you chat into the Spanish Inquisition
Job interviews and dating have a lot in common: you need to dress your best, listen carefully and ask the right questions. And while asking your date questions is a must, there’s no need for a rapid-fire interrogation. Fast and furious questions about where she sees herself in five years, the length of her last relationship, and whether she wants kids will make her feel like she’s auditioning for the role of girlfriend. If the conversation isn’t happening organically, there’s less opportunity for chemistry.
Your follow-up plan is lacking
There’s nothing more transparent than the game-theory move of waiting three days after a date to call. It’s far better to display confidence and interest by following up the next day or two and asking for another date. If you feel fireworks, try not to overcompensate by planning your next month together. As Julie Spira explains on Match.ca, mapping out your new life together after just one meeting will make you seem needy. “Show your date that you have a full and happy life. Having someone special in it will just make it that much better.”
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